As I walk through the vineyards awakening from the winter,
my mind turns to the clouds which makes me think of the ceiling of the Sistine
Chapel. Although you may not have been in Rome, most everyone has seen the Michelangelo
scene of God touching the finger of Adam, creating the humanity of human
beings. This an iconic image that is everywhere in the Western world. As I am walking alone through the vines, I
long for the touch of another human being.
Quarantine or social isolation is most difficult for me and
others because we can not touch or hold or caress those closest to us: lovers,
sons and daughters, parents, grandchildren and on and on the list goes.
Intellectually we understand why the isolation is necessary whether it is in a
Covid-19 case or just an ICU after some medical procedure.
Usually we think there is a time limit on the prohibition, but there is no end in sight for this epidemic because we don’t know what the
virus will do next. We fear a second wave,
but we don’t even know when, or if, it will come. It is like a thief in the night that disturbs
our sleep. How can we cope with endless estrangement from human touch?
My little village has several meetings about how to reopen
the primary school. How do you enforce social isolation in children who are
interacting physically with one another? Everyone who is or has been a parent
knows that each school year brings an unending string of sniffles and coughs as
children bring to school or home, whatever they have come in contact with.
Imagine being a teacher and unable to put a hand on a
child’s shoulder to encourage or comfort a child. Which then brings up the
whole subject of learning on-line. This
is not a panacea because again, you have social distancing that makes it hard
to ask questions or to judge whether the answer given was satisfactory. Anyone
who has spent 5-6 hours a day staring at a computer screen on Zoom feels a
little detached.
We have five senses by which we take in information: touch,
smell, taste, hearing and sight. I once
had an intense discussion with a violinist about which sense I would miss
most. We only talked about seeing and
hearing. The other senses are primitive and useful perhaps in other times. I
took the position that eyesight would be the biggest loss, but she insisted
that hearing loss was the worst. She pointed out to me that the process of
hearing is done in milliseconds with no chance to rehear the sound. Sight, on
the other hand, allows us to refer back to the subject to see if what we
thought we saw was in fact true. Was the sound “in tune” is decided instantly
but “is it green or blue” can be reviewed. Watching old people who are deaf
shows the isolation they feel and retreat into unless they get hearing aids.
I thought about that conversation and I think we both missed
touch. We say, “That touched me” about both things we hear and see. Maybe we
say that because it reaches out deepest level of understanding. I’ve read
stories of people who are in solitary confinement who develop relationships
with mice or other creatures. I now
understand better people who live solitary lives and relate to birds and
plants. As I have talked to people about this ache in my soul they send me all
kinds of interesting information. The
German Psychiatric Association has a message on-line: “We are flooded with
calls. During Quarantine it is completely normal if you talk with walls,
flowers and some other items. Please only call us when they are talking with
you.” It is hard to tell if it is
tongue-in-cheek but lots of people tell me how much they miss touch of a Human
being.
In a totally unrelated conversation my brother and I got to
talking about how we surviving the lock down and he surprised me by saying, “I
miss touch.” He is an extraordinary dancer, especially in Contra and Irish set
dancing where the dancers are touching one another all the time as they do intricate
steps, taking the lead from one of the partners. As I thought about this, I
thought of an old Joke in the world of religion.
The religious leader was asked if having intimate relations
while standing” up was acceptable. The emphatic answer was “NO”. The questioner asked for a rational for that
response and was told, “Because it would lead to dancing.”
The next question is “When can we touch?” Will we resume
shaking hands, or will the French and other Europeans resume kissing on the
cheek? I look forward to the day when I can give a hug again to someone I care
about.
As I was walking, I was reminded of our basic animal nature
by a growling dog I met. A neighbor yelled at the dog in French, so I don’t
know what he said. The dog slunk away
with its tail between its legs.
The next day I met the dog and he growled. I yelled at him
and he slunk away. The dog lives around
the corner from me and as returned home from my walk the dog followed me at a
distance. On instinct, I summoned the dog in a quiet friendly voice. He came to
me and let me pet him and wanted to follow me into my house. It seemed like he
needed me to touch him and I needed to touch him for my soul needed a touch.
